CONDOM SCARCITY HITS KYANKWANZI AFTER MPS END THEIR RETREAT
By Isaac Wandubile
While at Kyankwanzi, the newly elected NRM MPs engaged in night and pre-dawn sex as often and as frequently as they could and this is how one of them justified his antics to colleagues as they enjoyed their drink in the evening: “I was told by one of my predecessors in the constituency that NRM is a mighty party where you must always plentifully enjoy yourself because it’s about nothing but eating.”
The same youthful MP, who is also epileptic, added: “My senior told me there are three things you must never miss enjoying once in the NRM and these are sex, money and malicing others to win the favor of Mzee.” The MPs who were part of this merry-making that evening then discussed why none of them should be repentant about having sex (as long it was safe) while at the Kyankwanzi induction retreat.
Indeed, a day after their departure back to Kampala, Kyankwanzi stakeholders have carried out a quick lifestyle audit leading to the conclusion that the unusual scarcity of condoms in the Kyankwanzi neighborhood for the last three weeks is attributable to nothing else but the fact that the more than 200 legislators offered to sexually mingle and enjoy themselves for the period they were at the political training center which the ruling party has continued dominating to the exclusion of the opposing parties.
Another MP casually told journalists on return to his upcountry town that: “This was induction and of course guys getting down to having sex shouldn’t surprise anyone because that has to be part of the induction.”
During the same Kyankwanzi retreat, some of the deceptive MPs also attempted to target Gen Museveni for money with one of them boldly demanding that he uses his power as the head of state and NRM chairman to direct the Parliamentary Commission to advance each MP Shs300m interest-free loan to dust off as they wait to get their first salary.
But Gen Museveni, who was most of the time in the company of his dear wife the very able Janet Museveni and deliberately discouraged familiarity, treated such selfish requests with the contempt they deserved. He never entertained any such. In demanding the Shs300m grant, the legislators tried blackmailing Museveni by claiming they are choking on debts which they are not sure of ever paying to completion without him helping them.
The other lie that was successfully sold to Gen Museveni related to the qualification and professional status of newly elected Koboko Woman MP Taban Sharifah Aate (who scored 44,614 votes to replace long-serving Margaret Babadiri). Whereas she is a mere enrolled nurse who trained and recently graduated at Dr. Sudhir Ruparelia’s Victoria University, Idi Amin’s granddaughter was deceptively sold to the President as a medical doctor from Makerere University Medical School.
This is reminiscent of what happened in 2011 when the President appointed a certain young female MP from the greater Bukedi region to his cabinet after self-seekers deceptively marketed her to him as a well accomplished lawyer with a very successful private legal practice in Kampala. Some of the newly elected MPs have likened Sharifah Taban to her late grandfather Idi Amin who enjoyed giving himself all manner of inappropriate and unbefitting titles just to satisfy his larger than life ego. (For comments on this story, call, text or whatsapp us on 0705579994, 0779411734, 0200900416 or email us at email@example.com).